The oldest kindergarten child in human history, Trump, announced at a press conference on December 22, 2025, that the US Navy will start building Trump class battleships. They will construct two ships first as the core of the Golden Fleet, with a displacement of 30,000 to 40,000 tons, equipped with hypersonic missiles, electromagnetic railguns, laser weapons, and even nuclear cruise missiles. The lead ship is named USS Defiant. He boasted that this is the largest, fastest, and 100 times more powerful warship in history, and said he would personally participate in the design because he has great aesthetics.
To be honest, when I saw this news, I thought it was fake rumors made by self-media for traffic. But when I watched the official news footage on YouTube, I admit I was stunned. When Biden was in office, Trump often attacked him for cognitive impairment, believing he was not fit to perform presidential duties. Now it seems Trump has also entered a state of senile dementia. In old age, most elderly people regain some childlike innocence and willfully fulfill their obsessions. The difference is that ordinary elderly people’s obsessions are paid for by their families, while Trump’s obsessions are paid for by the United States.
Perhaps like me, he really enjoys watching videos of the Battle of Jutland and has a strong fondness for the majestic battleships of the big gun giant ship era. But in World War II, the world’s largest battleships Yamato and Musashi were basically powerless against attacks from carrier battle groups. The United States also had a large number of battleships in World War II, but after the Pearl Harbor incident, aircraft carriers became the absolute core of the fleet, with battleships only playing a supporting role. At its peak, the United States had dozens of fleet carriers, hundreds of escort carriers, and only more than 20 battleships, and construction had basically stopped. The reason is that these huge steel beasts were floating coffins in front of carrier strike groups. They could neither perform alert and antisubmarine duties like destroyers nor were they as cost-effective as cruisers, and their combat record throughout the war was mediocre. Battleships were quickly abandoned by major military powers after World War II and entered museums. The United States briefly reactivated battleships for operations in the Middle East, but ultimately all were decommissioned or mothballed.
I do not know which movie scene made Trump obsessed with battleships, whether it was the Japanese film Men of Yamato or the Hollywood blockbuster Battleship. Given Trump’s contemptuous attitude toward Japanese people, I think he probably watched the protagonist and veterans in Battleship operating a battleship to strike aliens and developed a battleship complex.
I suggest that the US Congress does not rush to pass the budget, and the Secretary of the Navy and Secretary of Defense do not need to push the project forward. First find a good Hollywood director to film Battleship 2: Golden Fleet and let Trump star in it. Finally, when launching the decisive strike against aliens, let him shout “Fire”. This way his emotional knot might be untied, and he will not obsess over this type of warship from 80 years ago.
Speaking of gold, this is Trump’s favorite color. He has always taken pride in his golden hair and blue eyes, and likes to appoint blonde blue-eyed beauties as executives. His Secretary of Homeland Security and White House press secretary were both of this type. Trump himself also loves wealth very much. Gold as a symbol of wealth has integrated its color into Trump’s blood. After returning to the White House, he held grand ceremonies, and left-wing corporate executives donated money one after another to pay protection fees. His family crazily issued coins, with sons and wife no exception, profiting billions of dollars from the cryptocurrency market. He and his family have become great again ahead of the United States, shining with gold. As for whether the United States can become great again, I think in the remaining few years of his term, we will not see the results.
Another reason Trump likes battleships is because he loves big things. Big and Beautiful are his catchphrases, and whenever he says these two words, he always looks radiant. China’s Type 055 large destroyers are being rapidly built in batches, with new warships constantly launching and entering service. Moreover, China’s large aircraft carriers and amphibious assault ships are also being rapidly built in batches, surpassing the United States in the number of warships and total tonnage. For Trump, this is unacceptable. He sees no other advantages in the Type 055 destroyers, only Big and Beautiful. As long as the United States builds larger and more beautiful battleships and paints them gold, he will spiritually defeat Xi Jinping. In April 2026, he will visit Beijing and meet Xi Jinping. Facing China’s multiple sixth-generation fighters, new aircraft carriers, and destroyers, he needs some boasting capital of his own. The Trump class battleship is his best psychological defense. He absolutely cannot lose face to Putin and Xi Jinping, both of whom he envies greatly for being strongmen who can rule indefinitely.
Of course, game companies can take the opportunity to custom-build virtual fleets for the two of them. Both sides avoid real arms races, and through the game records in Beijing in April, decide the spheres of influence of the two countries. This is beneficial to world peace and saves a lot of funds for the people of both countries. As long as this 80-year-old boy can gain vanity and satisfaction, calm him down, and stop him from disrupting international order everywhere, I think the Chinese government can consider cooperating with the performance. Just like a kindergarten teacher using candy to soothe a naughty boy, award him the medal of the greatest commander in human history.